he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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