im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
