Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
