Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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