separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
