my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
