I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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