This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
