We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
