Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
