Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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