meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
