I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
