He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
