Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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