i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
