i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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