my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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