i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
