Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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