oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
