tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
