As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
