I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
