Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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