I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
