is your mom at the bar?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
