Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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