Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
