This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
