He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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