doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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