just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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