Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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