In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
