Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
