It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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