so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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