Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
