Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
