I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
