New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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