As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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