Your dad touched me again.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
