We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
