I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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