i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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