it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
