hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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