Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
