this beer tastes like vomit already
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
