Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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