pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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