i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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