She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
