If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
accomplished twins. life is a go
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
