He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
