one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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