oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
