Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
