Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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