a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
