imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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