Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
