she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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