just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
